4 Steps to truly change. And you can do this very quickly.

Okay we all know that. The fact is that’s what we’re here for…to learn, to grow…to heal and to love. And in order to do all this well…we need to change.

So how do you feel about change? Some of us, like change… we move the furniture around…we update our wardrobes…we move to a “better” location. We work to get that promotion. We have another child. Change is part of life. We lease our cars instead of buying so in a couple of years we can get the latest model. We upgrade  our  iPads, PCs or cellphones. We text instead of making a phone call.

I know I do all of these things to one degree or another. And yet when I first came to FutureVisioning…I knew that despite all my efforts (and those were mighty effort over many years)…I had changed relatively little. Really? Yup.

Now this took some getting use to. This landed hard for me, because I wanted to change. I wanted to stop those times I’d lose my temper…and feel bad. I wanted to be more honest with my husband. I wanted to handle money better. I wanted to  feel alive inside.  I would have been insulted if someone had said that to me. Boy after all you’ve done you haven’t changed all that much. That would have been a sure-fired way for them to get my cold shoulder approach at least for a bit. Because…I thought there was something wrong with me!!!

Not on the surface…but deep down…something really wrong with me…and I was carrying that around with me even as I functioned pretty well, or at least had other people thinking that.

So now I change. I can change very quickly. I mean I’m not an orange becoming an apple…but when I see a problem in my life…I can hear other people and I can change!! So what’s different now…you might wonder? Well…I have the map!

Here are the 4 Steps to change:

Recognize: First of all this is an important step. It’s the first step. Honestly allowing the information in. See the problem honestly. If you’ve been avoiding…stop avoiding. Ever heard the saying “Once you know the problem …that’s half the problem”? But it isn’t . That’s step number 1. You’ve got 3 more steps to go!

Acknowledge: I know that I create my reality 100%. (well…it still goes over my head in many ways…but I am willing to explore this fully). This is empowering because this means if I created my negative reality creation…I don’t need someone else to change my reality.  It’s always up to me. And if I created the negative pattern (the block, the failed relationship, it means that I can change and create smooth sailing ahead and a successful relationship.  And in that moment you realize…I could have opted for this change this awareness at any moment and you feel remorse.  You feel the sadness of the pain you have caused yourself and others. Yes…you might have to change partners…but maybe not. I’ve seen many people have their partners, friends and siblings shift when they shifted…without arm twisting or even a discussion about it. And sometimes an ultimatum that comes from your deep love for yourself and what you will stand for…helps too.

Forgive: So really in FutureVisioning we recommend that you forgive yourself. This is primary. Forgiving other people is a complex act. You can forgive the why but maybe not the what. Maybe you can ultimately forgive both…but when it comes to forgiving yourself…it must be complete. Forgiveness is for the unforgiveable. And we are better for the act of forgiving ourselves, and then the ability to forgive others grows. We are actually often taught that we cannot forgive ourselves…that God must forgive us. And that makes us powerless and victims waiting to be judged and found innocent. You can make that change now inside. Feel the remorse that is buried and carried shame transforming into forgiveness. this is a beautiful and poignant part of the work I share with my clients.

Commitment to Change: After you make the commitment to be the finer, moral, principled, happier, healthier, honest you…now you can change. All the other three steps lead to this final and wonderful choice to change. And change can come so quickly and easily. It is truly breathtaking to experience. It all does fall into place  when we create Conscious Change.


-Valerie Lemme

FutureVisioning Coach and Healing Practitioner