Well actually a two story colonial! That’s where we live together my husband and me. Tom and I have been evolving in how we relate to each other. I finally started seeing my own very crappy negative behavior and started making clear concerted efforts to …STOP! I tend to be pushy and a bully. Well there is a time and place to be strong, to hold the line especially in my practice and work with my clients.
Hey, I’m kind too! But there is a time and place, and a way and I started seeing what other people have been saying to me for decades!!!. I started to see how I just wasn’t allowing the other people in my life to have their say…their way of doing things. I push for my own desires to get met…not in relationship with them, but rather against them…so instead of win/win…I’ve been coming up with fighting for WIN…for me. Not thinking about the other person. I’m embarrassed to be seeing this, but its the truth right in front of my face.
The good part…when I ask Tom (my husband) to see how his negative behavior is impacting me…making me hurt etc, he is 100% more willing to hear me because I’m taking responsibility for my part to play. This principle about taking 100% responsibility for my life and what I’m creating…works! And the end result is yes, the sadness of seeing how I was causing pain and suffering for others in my approach that is so far from optimal, and yes, I need to forgive yourself and then make the choice to be act differently…leading to win/win for both people…the results… so much of the time…happiness and love. Greater clarity.
Yesterday Tom was painting in the hallway upstairs and I was busy doing chores. I stopped and knew that if I just went and sat near him as he painted that would create a moment of intimacy and show Tom he mattered to me. This is so different than my usual behavior. Usually I must get stuff done!!! So I pulled up a chair, and just showed up!!! And that 45 minutes was so precious and we both enjoyed it. Do that today if you haven’t just take time to sit and be with your special some one…child, parent, spouse etc. Can you just be there with them? If not what is in the way? Notice how you feel. Notice your emotions. Let me know what you discover!