A few years ago I had to look at my very duplicitous, dishonest behavior. How I avoided my feeelings and made my life and the lives of others filled with pain. My behavior was so ugly. I was called on the carpet by my friend and mentor Ti and it was so painful to look at this. Could I be this cruel? Why would I give up gold for a peice of crumpled up aluminum foil?
This is what I do for other people. I show them their Martyr, their victim…the cruel part in all of us that wants to punish and hurt other people! They face it (hard and painful as that is) and lo and behold…they start to create Joy and Wonder and Miracles and Magic. Immediately. Hmmmm… Why? Why so immediate? Because your good is all around you..right now!!! You are the one holding it at bay. You’re the one blocking your good from coming in. giving up our martyr and victim allows the abundance and love ll around u to flow toward us. The act of being honest bout who we re creates the toppling down of the walls we have built…because of the wounds that were inflicted on us.
I sobbed and sobbed and this was the first time I cried this deeply in a year and 9 months. My life usually flows and there is magic all around me. Miracles show up internally and externally.
When this ease and flow ceases it is very difficult because that state of Love is my new normal. It so often comes down to the need to explore and learn more and more about how Life and the universe works. I can imagine the unimaginable. I can imagine what hasn’t been created yet.
I can see and visualize world where we are giving up the separation with our truest selves and our connection to the Divine. I can see us healing that finally…admitting we are angry and wanting to drop that anger, own it and release it fully.
The one thing that I have gained from all of this soul searching and truthfulness about what doesn’t work about me…is I’ve gained my integrity, my character back, my strength and conviction is deeper and more reliable. That is the gift that is the dream that is coming true.